see you next year < 3

I return the way I left

Heavy booted

Swishing a whole body of rain bibs

Thigh to thigh and heel toe to be quiet

I am slink stepping the hallway and thinking about whether

I’ve lost the chance to seasonally savor

Citrus and whether it’s possible to

Be an adult body with no sexual baggage

What if I died and was reborn in this body

Fully grown but entirely unfamiliar 

And with no memory of how it grew and who touched it

I would discover so

Much

More than I hide from now and I would use the everyday and the natural

And I would perform it and keep it quiet and leverage it

Only for gut instinct North Star ocean wave

Loudest tip toe whisper shout

Sleeping sisters with doors cracked open 

I’m home from getting turned on at the movie theater

And waking the house with my clattering secrets

I wide arm crouch into the bedroom 

Toss off boot and rain suit

Set up the projector and blast a home video

Of myself at 23 packing to move out forever from

The house I grew up in

My best friend is with me and directing the sorting

What comes with me to the island

What stays in storage

What goes forever away

The material is gatorade bottles I filled with rum

And hid next to baggies of yellow dusty weed

Letters from high school plot points

Something sexy and embarrassing and my baby blanket

And my first CDs Shakira Bob Marley Kelly Clarkson Eminem

I played with dolls here and made them kiss

I had terrible sex here

I am sweating with the effort of getting it 

Out 

The woman I’ve woken offers me ice cream

And crispy cake almost cotton candy angel 

I have to brush my teeth twice

Before haze lifts and shows me

I am somehow here now 

Seattle, January 31, 2024