now we are thirty six

some red eyed dad sat in white undies

at the breakfast table 

black curls assumed his mullet

coffee stained teeth remembered cigarettes

my ears remember his kisses ringing

how he tousled my hair

put on a lake minnehaha souvenir tee

and read local news

i still hear the voices of piglet and pooh and roo

or when ducks spoke through the side of his cheek

for hans christian anderson's cassette

could only handle so many revolutions

i can't recall where he hid booze

or when he abandoned hair gel

when his eldest forgave abandonment

and asked for a loan on a condo in miami

i must have been up all night

with a chocolate milk tummy

crying loud enough to be heard

lets say i vomited on the carpet near his side of bed 

i slept in the middle

between the margins of a blanched polaroid

waiting for parenthood and looking for clues