NEW YEAR DREAM

the opposite of going for broke.

saving and resting, staying in.

put something away everyday.

think about the dance parties

we could have, the fireplace,

the primary bedroom veranda,

an overflow suite for an aging parent or two,

anyone recovering from a fall. 

another child 

if we decide soon enough

we can conceive on the same bed

upstairs in the attic like newlyweds

then upgrade the mattress when we move

after I catch the baby myself in the living room

soft round head

into my waiting hands.

all our births and deaths contained here, not there.

there is a new house where nothing will be 

born or die. 

JOINING THEIR WORLD

they raise their hands,

right away trusting me 

with their stories, their questions. 

they line up for recess

everyone hugs me, they like my softness

I hold out my hand

and Cara takes it, then asks

what's your name?

and doesn't stop talking about her brother, the new girl,

her coat that matches Mrs Steele

pulled between two 5-year-olds

towards the playground

then an older boy wants to show me his trick

4 of us play rock paper scissors, laughing when a pizza appears

the woodchips are lava! 

the sun bursts through and coats are strewn

a black cat strolls by across the street

his thick black coat matching my soft fleece

the bell rings and children are filing back inside

don't go! stay all day! 

I wish my mom and dad would come / parents are so busy aren't they

DAUGHTER

 when your mom is a boss, she's not good at playing.

when your mom is a poet, she's lost in thought.

either way you need more.

when your mom loves your dad,

when she loves your brother,

when she laughs at something on her phone and can't explain,

when she yells,

when she cries,

when she takes you to museums, grocery shopping, the car dealership,

for a walk to the library,

you have fun / you wish you were somewhere else, 

you speak your mind / you're silent,

you relate / you drop to the floor.

when you pull into the driveway you whisper

"I don't ever want to die" or "what comes after humans?" 

just to pull her closer

JOIN ME

lighting a candle is the prayer

cooking is the prayer

microwaving tea is the prayer

the tip is the prayer

the text is the prayer

substack is the prayer

the to-do list is the prayer

putting on the radio is the prayer

spooning is the prayer

blowing out the candle is the prayer

I'm saying a prayer now

are you?

STILL

 still life from active life:

the toys on the floor, the desks of piles, 

dishes fill the sink,

steps covered with mud and leaves,

layers of clothes on the hooks.

is the house too small or 

have your belongings multiplied

like the people?

who belongs to who?

chests heavy with grief, still walking around,

still breathing, still making stuff and yelling

you want more 

with nowhere to put it.