Locker Room

I try not to stare at them

These two women

As they move about 

Stripped down

Dripping onto towels laid out

Rubbing balms and lotions onto 

Skin less taut than mine.

I want to look 

Not to judge, but to study their ways

These women

Forty something

Pulling on comfort clothes 

And crocs and boots

Packing up gym bags that hold no obligation 

or compensation

Only gratitude for limbs

One blows her hair halfway dry

Not so much to style it

But rather to avoid catching a january cold

I trade quick light smiles 

With each of them

These women 

I wonder what they think of me

I feel young and naive and envy their ease

I note the whispers of gray hair

Unmanaged and unmarred

They take care of themselves 

These women

For no one but themselves

Im doing the same motions

Standing exposed and body buttered

Not with confidence but with defeat 

I spread and stretch and choose the shower with no door

Modesty is an energy i can no longer muster

Maybe one day i can be one of them

These women

Who call their body a home

Not a curse