Capricorn

Years ago I wrote him a letter

I was far more loving then

An ode to a friend?

Sure, I’ll write seven 

Handwritten on cards I painted and mod podged with pressed flowers

I made art back then too

Ohhh I remember her

Twinkle toes in the loose dirt stirring up dust 

A long sleeve shirt and no pants in the last warm hours of an October day 

We had all giggled in bubbles 

High on us and freedom and mushrooms in the Mt. Hood wilderness in a way we could only be that summer that everyone stayed in a pod and away from strangers

He saw me in my light

Smiled and called me cute

And it was good to be loved platonically and I wasn’t yet lonely and it wasn’t yet dark

 

It was my birthday then, and all I wanted was to celebrate them

The ones I felt alive with

The ones I belonged to

It is his birthday now, and like all the birthdays the past couple years

I can’t seem to write a single word of appreciation affection admiration for any of these friends that I surely don’t deserve anymore

I send a quick text to ward off shame

He used to keep the letter on his desk

I wonder if it got lost in the move

I hope he rereads it because its all still true

Even if I can’t say it