I am swimming into a new year

I am swimming into a new year

and the old years pull back

like salty waves

that I inhale

like tugging ropes like

all my old hopes and

it will be hard not to go under 

even though I tell myself 

I am better now 

than when I was fifteen

and twenty three and thirty four

even thirty four but

I am swimming into a new year

and please let what I love love me

let what gets carried to sea forget me

and please self please forgive me